| Location | Leeds |
| Age | 11 months |
| Cause of Death | Meningitis |
| Date of Birth | 01/11/1992 |
| Date of Death | 12/10/1993 |
| Visitors | 3,236 since 23/08/2007 |
| Creator |
Maycon Clifford Andrew Hutchins..
12 October 1993..
11 mths and 1wk old..
A blessed Son..
Leeds..
Son of Nicki and Darren
1 older sister (Shelby) and 1 younger brother (Mcaully)..
Meningacol Septacemia Meningitis..
Maycon was my first born son, a much wanted son.. He was born on Sunday the 1st November at one
minute to three in the afternoon wieghing in at just 7lbs 1oz.. He had loads of blonde hair and a
beautifull face.. Unfortunately Maycon was born with Erbs Palsy due to an awkward labour.. Maycon
was ill all of his short life, but to hear him laugh, see him eat, watch him with his older sister
you would never have known there was anything wrong with my precious little man.. Maycon was taken
into hospital on boxing day at just 6wks old after been ill for a few days and no look of getting
well.. He was very ill over a period of around two weeks spending most of that in an oxgen tent and
fed through tubes, also kept in isolation as Maycon had Bronchkillitis a more serious form of
Bronchitis.. From then on Maycon was diagnosed with severe childhood Asthma..
He lived his life on medication to medication to more medication.. He'd end up in hospital at least
once every four weeks due to the Asthma, but to be around my little man you would never think he was
suffering like he was..Maycon also didnt have any if much movement in his arms due the Erbs palsy.
He could use one arm more than the other, which got better with time but never subsided after 6wks
like we were led to believe..
Maycon had the appetite of an ox.. He was a pleasure as well as a pain to feed, pleasure as in he
was funny and a pain in the sense 'my god how did i ever fill him' 'where does this boy of mine put
it all' lol..
He and his older sister Shelby were inseprable, they played together for hours on end.. You could
hear them giggling all round the house, it was a marvellous noise to hear, one that brought
happiness to my life just at the right times,one that i will never forget..
Shelby like most girls was a right mother hen, always checking on him and helping mum bath him ,
change his bum and yes making his meal times more funnier than they were.. It would be one for
Maycon and one for Shelby, but my god did my boy create if there werent enough for his lovely little
round tum to be filled.. I always had to have his dummy to the ready, after one spoonfull went in
the dummy had to go in right behind it in order to keep up with him.. Boy do them memories of
feeding times bring smiles to my heart and face now when i think of them..
Maycons nickname is 'Macyboo' which he got from Shelby.. Playing hide n seek one day Shelby just
came out with it after finding him and I.. All you heard was this little cheeky laughter and the
words 'Macyboo'.. Their eyes lit up when they saw each other and the roar of laughter when she said
that to him, so from then on 'Macyboo' became his nickname and one that sure did suit him..
On Monday the 11th of October we had to take Shelby for a sweat test as the doctors thought she had
Cystic fybrosis.. This was going to be a long day and a hard one to say the least, one that was
going to be hard enough for a 26mth old baby nevermind an 11mth old baby.. So with this in mind we
decided it was best that Maycon spend it with his grandmother, who took him shopping, looking at
shoes as Maycon had taken his first steps and she wanted to buy him his first pair of clarks shoes
for his 1st birthday, which was in 3weeks time..So we packed Maycon's things and took him to his
grandparents house on the way to the hospital with Shelby..
Luckly for his grandparents they were getting to spend this day with him,although saldly, this was
to be the last time he would spend anytime with them and sadly, for us his parents, a day that we
didn't get to spend much with him at all and so wish we had have done..
We came home at around teatime, after having been at the hospital all day.. I gave both my children
their teas and yes as you can imagine, this meal time with Maycon was to be one that i most
certainly would never forget, not least for the fact that meal times were always funny with him or
for the fact that it was to be my last with him but because the little devil was throwing peas at me
whilst i were trying to feed him....The little tinker lol ...
After tea was all over and done with and cleaned up after, I made sure both my children were
medicated in their normal ways, as now at this time, I had two children who were severe Asthmatics
so having two nebulisers on the go was not fun to say the least as you can probably imagine.. I then
took both my children upstairs and had a fun water filled clothes soaked bath time as usual.. I
never saw anything different during that time with Maycon, he was his normal happy laughing chitter
chattering little man..
I then got them both settled down and in their beds sleeping like the little angels they were and
went downstairs had a drink, made sure all the meds were ready for the morning and spares incase
Maycon needed them during the night, which he quite often did.. Then I took a bath, watched a bit of
tv and went to bed.. All was silent and normal at this time, I kissed both my angels goodnight and
said I loved them and settled down for sleep..
A few hours later Maycon started to stir and became unwell.. This was to be the start of a long
night, although it only lasted a few hours, it felt like forever.. I wont go into harrowing details
but I medicated my son gave him a drink changed his bum I even let him listen to one of his
favourite sounds which always seemed to settle him when he wasn't so good (the toilet flushing, odd
I know but he loved it)..
Nothing helped, I couldn't do a thing to ease my little man and didnt have a clue what was wrong
with him.. His dad called the doctor who came quite soon after, although again it felt like
forever.. He took one look at my precious little man and gave hime an injection straight into his
leg which he never felt, then had us rushed straight to A&E.. No sooner than we got through the
doors than my son was ripped from my arms and gone in what seemed like a flash of light..
Around 15 minutes or so later we were told what the problem was and what the outlook was, all I
could do was cry.. My son was ill and his mummy couldn't help him.. I felt usless but all I could
think of was my little soldier and will him along.. The doctors came for us around an hour later,
about 8.30am and asked us if we would like to go see Maycon.. We went to see him in the room which
was only the room behind where we were.. My son was wired up to all kinds of uninmagineable
machines.. He had wires and tubes coming from everywhere.. This was a site that was to haunt me from
then on.. I collasped from the shock and was taken back to the room where we were to wait yet
again..
Maycon was then moved to I.C.U and here he fought ever so brave for his life.. Sadly Maycon just
wasn't able to fight such a vicous raveging aggressive thoughtless illness..
My precious little man lost his life just 3hours after been rushed to hospital.. I saw my son at
around 8.30ish that morning alive and fighting but the next time I saw my precious child he was
sadly with us no more and and had lost his fight at 9.45am on Tuesday 12th October 1993, just 3weeks
before his first birthday..The doctors came in to tell us Maycon had passed away.. I just stood
frozen in front of the window, looking out into a world that was still going about its business,
when it should have stopped, just as mine had when the doctor said the words he had..
The priest, whom had read Maycon his last rights and christened him came over to me, he put his arm
around me and said 'you knew didn't you!?! You knew before they had told you!!'.. He just looked
into my eyes and I believe he saw his answer as he never asked again.. I then turned round to the
room, saw my partner at the time (my childrens father) holding his head in his hands and crying..
There were other members of both families crying trying to console one another.. I just looked
straight through them all, as all I wanted was my precious baby,my little man, my 'Macyboo'.. I saw
the doctor stood by the door, he was one of the doctors that had been taking care of my son since he
was born, I just looked at him and said ' can I bath my baby??' to which he replied 'is that what
you would like to do!?!'.. I just said ' I need to clean him'.. It was arranged for me to do so..
I bathed my son once more, not the fun filled clothes soaked sort of normal bath times we used to
have but never the less, it was one that I felt I had to do.. I had to wash my baby clean, I didnt
want him going to where he was to go mucky, ladened down with the relentless germs that had so
cruelly taken his life.. I went into town bought him some new clothes,went back to the hospital and
changed my Maycon into what he would then be buried in.. He looked ever so big, ever so handsome and
right at that moment I knew I had also died.. My world had shattered around me and there was no way
back..
There wasn't a feeling of imense pain that I recall, as the only feeling that I can clearly remember
is that I couldnt feel a thing.. I felt stuck in time but the world was still going on around me.. I
just felt numb to the core, an empty shell of the person I was just a few hours previous to that..
My world needless to say, has never been the same since..
I lost one of the two most precious people in my world at that time and had no way of getting him
back.. I haven't been the same person since and know this is due to the fact that my heart broke in
a way I could never ever have dreamt of and one that could no matter what ever be healed..
An Angel For An Angel xXx
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On the day God took you
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked alot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide,
I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought 'This can't be happening.'
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious one....
Love you always Macyboo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wish upon a star!!
If I could wish upon a star
And make that wish come true
I’d make a wish for one more day
To spend my life with you
I’d hold you safely in my arms
And pray we’d never part
Swap stories we had never shared
Then just talk heart to heart
I’d make you laugh, tickle your sides
Drown in your smiling face
Snuggle, cuddle, with all my might
To feel your warm embrace
If only stars somehow could ‘feel’
And wishes could come true
I know all stars would grant to me
To have that day with you Son..
Lifes just so hard at the moment Son, and im so tired..So very tired and ready to give up now.. I know i dont get much chance to come and write to you lately but please give me the strength and courage to carry on for another day.. Not that i want to carry on if im honest Macyboo.. Just gettting up each day is hard enough as it is never mind getting through the day.. Well ive got to go now Son, speak soon..Love you always precious xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
they can never have yesterday!!
I just cant believe your gone,
Still waiting for mornin to come,
When i see if the sun will rise,
In the way that your by my side.
When we had so much in store,
Tell me what is it im reaching for,
When we're through building memorise,
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,
They can take the music that we'll never play,
All the broken dreams, take everything,
Just take it away,
But they can never have yesterday.
They can take the future that we'll never know,
They can take the places that we said we would go,
All the broken dreams, take everything,
Just take it away,
But they can never have yesterday.
You always choose to stay,
I should be thankful for everyday,
Heaven knows what the future holds,
Or least where the story goes,
But i never believed until now.
I know i'll see you again, im sure,
No, it's not selfish to ask for more,
One more night, One more day,
One more smile on your face,
But they cant take yesterday.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,
They can take the music that we'll never play,
All the broken dreams, take everything,
Just take it away,
But they can never have yesterday.
They can take the future that we'll never know,
They can take the places that we said we would go,
All the broken dreams, take everything,
Just take it away,
But they can never have yesterday.
I thought our days would last forever,
But it wasn't our destiny,
Cause in my mind we had so much time,
But i was so wrong.
No, i can, believe me,
I can still find the strength in the moments we made,
Im lookin' back on yesterday,
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,
They can take the music that we'll never play,
All the broken dreams, take everything,
Just take it away,
But they can never have yesterday.
They can take the future that we'll never know,
They can take the places that we said we would go,
All the broken dreams, take everything,
Just take it away,
But they can never have yesterday,
All the broken dreams take everything,
They can never have yesterday. x x x x x
If heaven had a phone!!
I cannot dial your number
I can't get through to you
I called the operator
She did all that she could do
There is no code to heaven
I cannot place the call
No numbers left to try
I reckon i've tried them all
If heaven had a phone
I'd ring it every day
If heaven had a phone
Theres things I want to say
Tell you that I love you
Miss you since you went away
And how much I prayed to god
That he could have let you stay
Oh darling, if heaven had a phone
Theres things I want to know
Things I want to tell you
How do you feel?
Should I stay or should I go?
Are you looking over me
Do you see me cry a tear
Questions I want to ask
Answers I need to hear
If heaven had a phone
I'd ring it every day
My life has had no meaning
Since the day god took you away
I only know more sadness
More tears again today
Maybe one day i'll smile without you
Until then I will always cry
One day the sun may shine for me
Like it did for you and I
My life was for tomorrow
Now my life is yesterday
I cannot face this world alone
Please show me the way
If heaven had a phone
I'd ring you every day
If heaven had a phone
I'd hear your voice, know that you're okay
I just want to speak to heaven
please do you have a direct line
Operator says no number
But your loved one says they're doing fine
Oh how I wish I truly did know that you were doing fine Son,what id give to hear your giggle, your sweet little laugh and you saying 'mama' again!! Love you always my precious little soldier xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I had it all!!
Our hands have touched, our paths have crossed
A love is gained, a love is lost
Just for a moment I kissed the face
Of my innocent son I can't replace.
Just for a moment a maternal touch
Would say the words that meant so much
A soft caress, the gentle tears
That made those minutes last for years.
Just for a moment, I held your hand
My broken heart in your command
So much to tell you, so little time
Why was we punished, what was the crime?
They took part of me when they took you away
As much as I love you, you weren't meant to stay
I gave you a hug that for always must last
As facing the future means leaving the past.
Our souls have merged, I live for you
Perhaps I'm living your life too
I will carry on; I can always stand tall
Because just for a moment, I had it all.
I do have it all when I know that you are near Macyboo..And to feel or see you near is what I need at the moment precious, you did it for me once before when you knew I needed you so if you can hear my calls let me know Son..Love you always precious xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The Pit of Grief
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friendswatched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing 'she' is gone forever.
The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.
Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what’s taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I’ve been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say 'Hi, how are you?' when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the 'better them, than me' attitude.
My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climbed to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I 'should' be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I’ve become. The 'person' who is emerging from the pit.
No more the person I once was, no more are the pre-grief friends I once had!!
Love you always Maycon my ever so brave soldier xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
´*•.¸(*•.¸♥ ¸.•*´)¸.•*´ ´*•.¸
I cried a river that flowed to the sea,
and sailed to where I longed to be.
With the wind in my sails and
the stars as my guides
before I knew it I was by your side..
´*•.¸(*•.¸♥ ¸.•*´)¸.•*´ ´*•.¸
Love you for ever and a day precious xxxxxxxxxxxx
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